CONFIRMED
BACKCHOD
CASE FILE #002 · CLEARANCE: FRIENDS ONLY

ALI: MOST WANTED

 

The definitive, fully interactive dossier on Ali Hassnain Jaffri. Polygraph included. Lawyers not.

Read the Charges Take the Polygraph File a Testimony
0
YEARS KNOWN
0
GROUP CHATS RUINED
0
EXCUSES GIVEN
0
SAMOSAS OWED
INTERACTIVE EXHIBIT

Run the Polygraph

Official Truth Detector™

Click below. The machine will generate a statement Ali has definitely said, then tell you — scientifically, unquestionably — whether it was a lie.

Press the button to begin questioning.
AWAITING INPUT
EXHIBIT A

The Charges (click to expand)

CASE 01 · Fake Car Lover

▾
In the beginning of our friendship, we thought he was a car lover at heart, like us. But then he proved us entirely wrong about him. I got the confirmation when he said that every old car is a classic car, and when Waleed raised the point about the FX, he said, "Yes, this car is also a classic car."
GUILTY

CASE 02 · Girlfriend File's

▾
He once had a girl in his college life — let's call her B. He changed himself and became worse with the passage of time. He showed no respect to our friendship, and at the end of the day, the girl left him. Now there's a huge crack in our friendship.
GUILTY

CASE 03 · Ali Fatty

▾
Ali have no Realtionship with GYM. His relationship with it is like the USA and Osama bin Laden. Bro never went to the gym, but if someone told him eating shit would give him muscles, he'd do it — yet he also goes for things that are oily.
GUILTY

CASE 04 · Junky Yamaha

▾
Ali has a Yamaha — an old Yamaha Deluxe 100, the kind usually ridden by the local milk seller. Even by that standard, this bike is a disappointment.
GUILTY
EXHIBIT B

Unlocked Achievements

🏆

Serial Latecomer

[Replace] Has never once arrived before the event ended.

95% LEGENDARY
📵

Ghosting Specialist

[Replace] Read every message, replied to none, somehow still the group's emotional support.

80% ICONIC
🍛

Free Food Radar

[Replace] Appears within 4 minutes of any free food being mentioned, anywhere.

100% MAXED OUT
EXHIBIT C

Hall of Shame — A Timeline

#01 · MOST LEGENDARY

The Great Exam Hall Sleep of 2022

[Replace with the actual story]

#02

That one status everyone screenshotted

[Replace]

#03

The "I'll pay you back tomorrow" saga

[Replace]

#04

Lost his own phone while it was ringing in his pocket

[Replace]

#05

Showed up to the wrong exam hall, on the right day

[Replace]

INTERACTIVE EXHIBIT

The Roast Generator

Click below to generate an official roast.
WITNESS STATEMENTS

What Friends Say (Under Oath)

"

[Replace] He once tried to explain a Netflix plot for 40 minutes and got the ending wrong.

— A FRIEND, STILL WAITING TO BE PAID BACK
"

[Replace] Genuinely the funniest guy in any room — also genuinely the reason three trips got cancelled.

— ANOTHER VICTIM
"

[Replace] 10/10 friend. 2/10 punctuality. Would still pick him every time.

— THE GROUP CHAT, COLLECTIVELY
FAQ

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this real evidence? ▾
Absolutely not. This is a roast page made with love by his college friends. No actual court of law was involved.
Does Ali know about this? ▾
Yes — he knows, and this exists entirely because he can take a joke (allegedly).
Can I add my own story? ▾
Yes — scroll down to the guestbook and file your testimony for the record.
FINAL EXHIBIT

File Your Testimony

Note: entries here are visible only in your own browser (no backend). For everyone's roasts to show up for everyone, link this to a Google Form instead — ask me and I'll set that up.
No testimonies yet — be the first to snitch.